Every week I mow my little yard with a 50 year old 3.5 hp push mower with very little safety equipment. It takes me about 40 minutes to accomplish the four areas I need to mow. I do my own mower maintenance. I buy old used mowers when the one before has met the great engine seize from years of wear and tear. I hate this task with a passion the older I get. I watch how the clover flowers disappear, and I think of how the bees need that pollen. I mulch my leaves with the mower in the spring instead of burning or bagging them. Insects need the cover to survive the winter. I just dissent with this environmentally unsound process.

I enjoy mowing the grass at the golf course. It is a necessary thing for the leisure sport to endure. My yard and my neighbors yard don’t need to endure like the golf course. It is a waste of money. It is simply a city ordinance required activity that sends millions of pounds of Carbon Dioxide and other pollutants into the atmosphere. Where do I start????

OK, first stage is the mower appliance. I can’t push a rotary mower any longer physically. I need a gasoline powered engine. I buy recycled, repaired mowers. My current one is about 50 years old. It has a reliable 3.5 HP Briggs and Stratton engine. It looks ugly. It doesn’t cut smooth precise edges or nice lines, because I don’t need it too. The wheels are wobbly. The only safety feature is the kill switch bar on the handle. I have to use an additive in the gasoline to prevent the ethanol from burning it up. It takes about 2.5 gallons of gas per season to mow my yard. I do my own maintenance on the mower. I sharpen the blade, change the oil, clean the air filter, and spark plug every spring. Depending on the number of hours I mow, I may do a mid summer maintenance. The $100 lawn mower has cost me about $2.25 per mow. The maintenance is less than $20. The fuel costs a bit over $10. I’m cheap… I hate this job, why would I spend any more than I have too?

I spend nothing on weed killers, fertilizers, or insecticides. My neighbors on the other hand spend a bit more. My wife buys a gallon of weed killer to spray on our brick sidewalks to keep them free of weeds. This brick sidewalk was laid by hand over 50 years ago. It has survived quite well considering the weather. The goal is to keep the weeds from cracking the mortar anymore. Nothing goes into our flower beds or the garden. My wife uses natural pest control. She plants flowers near our garden produce that repel insects, but attract bees. My wife enjoys gardening, flowers, and all things plants. She maintains them (weeds,) waters, and harvests. I do larger maintenance: build fence, haul soil, move concrete pavers, and dig when necessary.

We are growing apple trees on our little plot. We have also allowed our bridal wreath bushes to grow out. I have about 100 square feet less to mow than I did five years ago. These bushes bloom at the beginning of May with bright white flowers. They are a sight to behold. We have also built a little strawberry patch, but have been unlucky in their harvest as our neighborhood rabbits and ground hogs love to munch on the green and red berries. We do not poison the animals, nor do we trap to kill. This is their land too. If a ground hog becomes a nuisance and destroys something near the house we will live trap it, and relocate it to a wildlife area. I feel we are making good progress at eliminating the “Yard.”

The dogs do need a place to run and do their business. It is a full time job keeping up with their waste products. Wet weather is very helpful in reducing the amount of waste considerably, but we still have to rake and shovel.

There you have our protest, and all natural yard maintenance.

Now the lawn caper waste. We have numerous companies provide us with free quotes. I don’t think our neighbors like our all natural process. The prices are in the thousands of dollars. Weed killers, insecticides, and fertilizers. The dirt under our yard is a more clay than dirt. We are on a hill about 100 feet above the Mississippi River. The basement dig for the house leveled out the property. My yard is flat. While everyone around has a hill or crown to deal with. In order to have the perfect yard, I would have to spend about $4000 a year. I would rather put that money into our dog’s care. It costs us about $1500 a year to feed them through Chewy. A dog can return love. A yard is a status symbol.

If I have someone mow it for me that will run between $80-100 per service. It costs a fortune to maintain lawn equipment, weed eaters, trailers, and insurance. Sadly, it would probably cost more for us as one section of our yard would have to be mowed with a push mower. Our fence is not wide enough to accommodate a rider. If we went this route that would also cost us nearly $2,500.

Now if I choose not to mow the property and my neighbors decide to Click Fix me with the city ordinance enforcement office. I could see fines, and be charged a huge service fee to have the city mow it. Now here is the hypocrisy. We have two parks near our home. The Park District leaves about 4 acres of these park lands as no mows. The park behind our house has two foot tall grass and weeds. No flowers, tall grass prairie, or beneficial plants. Just weeds and long grass. It is great for the animals… How interesting… A city entity not following their own ordinances… Yet we have to maintain our own yards… I dissent… I volunteered to mow the no mows as a city employee (the golf course I have worked at is owned by the city.) I was denied. The park district is getting grant funds to let more space become natural nesting grounds… Hello?!?!? Can I get in on that action?

Now the biggest fraud of the Great American Lawn Caper is the pollution. I can’t even imagine the amount of Carbon we all are putting into the atmosphere maintaining a lawn. How about chemical run off into our nation’s waterways? The Great American Lawn Caper is killing our bees and other pollinators. We need those little insects to survive as a species. I would rather have a long yard than lose our pollinators for a status symbol in the neighborhood. I do like how one family has solved the problem near the school I work at. They turned their entire yard into a flower garden. All perennials, and they spend a weekend a month maintaining the weeds (Spread out an hour here and there.) It looks nice!!

Anyway, thanks for reading my dissent on the Great American Lawn Caper. I’m not trying to convince you to stop mowing or maintaining the lawns you may have or your landlord’s may have. I just want to provoke some thought. Is this madness really necessary? …so it goes…