Disillusionment is defined as: a feeling of disappointment resulting from the discovery that something is not as good as one believed it to be. I am filled with disillusionment after yesterday’s Iowa primary race. I am filled with disillusionment from the keyboard warriors who have no idea how government works. Lastly I am filled with disillusionment that a whole segment of our America society doesn’t realize how awful they are as human beings.

Let me start this dissent with the Iowa Primary. The democratic races ended exactly where i expected them to end. Most of the candidates were corporate democrats that still believe in neoliberal principles. They sure aren’t going to appeal to the majority of Iowans unless they make some far left steps between now and November. The republican race for governor had me confused. Zach Lahn defeated Randy Feenstra for the republican nomination. Lahn’s advertisements on television place him farther right than Feenstra who had Trump’s approval. Lahn is a card carrying Christian Nationalist. He is an isolationist. He doesn’t even live in Iowa full time per some reports. Lahn’s politics are selfish and his wealth and association with the Koch family place him in carpetbagger territory. Lahn’s wife is a Koch family member. My disillusionment comes with citizens of our state that think an outsider full of hate for immigrants and outsiders (beyond Iowa) is an appropriate candidate for a state struggling to make ends meet economically. These citizens are not Iowa nice. Hopefully the independents will see through his charade.

The number of keyboard warriors with no grasp of how government works in both Iowa and Illinois baffles me. The petty personal attacks that are all based in bias disillusion me. Everyone complains their taxes are too high, but do any of them realize they can actually look at how the money is spent in the budget? Do any of them know how many taxing bodies they pay into: City, Township, County, State, Federal, Library, Fire, Sewer, Water, School, and maybe even Levy districts? Everyone complains about Freedom of Information… but none of them show up to meetings or meet with their representatives to discuss issues. How do you expect your voice to be heard if you don’t participate in the process. Get involved, and learn how it works. It is enlightening to be a part of the process. Recently I met with several alderman regarding the possibility of a data center coming to my town. I vehemently oppose such a development as our community does not have the infrastructure to meet the demands of such a project. I’ve stopped sending emails to my republican congressmen, because they are uninterested in any opposition. They wish to rule, rather than listen.

I’m disillusioned and I dissent greatly with the people who oppose “Pride” month. How is it that this group of people who fall in the LGBTQ demographic are so uncomfortable that you must protest their very existence? What have they ever done to you? Have you been asked out by a member of this community? Did it offend you? Did they kiss you or grab your ass? Did it scare you or make you feel uncomfortable? Is that the cause of your anger? Did your religious leaders tell you it was forbidden love? Do you believe everything they tell you? Seriously, what the f***?

When I went to college, I ran into the gay community for the first time. I was in the performing arts, so duh, it was going to happen. It took me a while to wrap my head around everything. I was raised conservative. I had little experience with this. I learned quite quickly that they were just like me, looking for someone to love and be loved. My fear and nervousness disappeared quickly. I’ve been asked out by so many men during my 20’s that it became a compliment rather than an offense. My best friend and I were asked how long we had been together at a restaurant in Indiana. We answered, “since 1986.” We even referred to each other as heterosexual life partners before we got married to our spouses. I’ve been fondled and kissed by gay men. I’ve been to drag clubs. Not once have any of these advances or behaviors made me feel revulsion for who they are as people. This community is more loving and accepting of everyone than some of my neighbors. I just don’t understand how anyone can feel this way about any LGBTQ individual. I have fraternity brothers and friends in the LGBTQ community. I even got my ministerial license from the internet to marry my gay friends and students if necessary. How can one be hateful to such a loving group of people? Who cares how they have sex. Let people love who they love. Be kind, be supportive… It costs nothing to care. I want to attend our local pride fest again. I value their contributions to our community. It takes so little time to show my support.

The cruelty of the far right in this country disillusions me to no end. How can one hate so much? Why does our freedom of expression threaten them so? I’m tired of their insecurities being used as excuses to harm others. Their hate is so exhausting. I want the disillusionment to stop. Do I need to run for political office? I don’t really want to, as it will take away my anonymity. I like being invisible. I would rather work for someone else, writing and researching, than actually do the politicians job. I’m an ideas/policy person. I’m not a face of the future one. Disillusionment is how I feel. …so it goes…