I am on holiday from work for nearly two weeks, so it is time to do some chores around the house that I have neglected far too long. Today’s weather was perfect for cleaning up the yard after our pack of spoiled rotten dogs. This is pretty sh**** work, but it has to be done. It is the responsibility of dog owner that one must clean up after them. I do not ask my children or wife to clean it up. I choose to do it myself and save all of them the indignity. When you have mastiffs there is a lot of indignity!!! While doing this thankless job I allow my mind to wander and I think. For over an hour all I could hear in my head was the Bare Naked Ladies tune, If I had a Million Dollars. I’m not sure why, maybe it was the odor of the waste affecting my psyche. Maybe waste is symbolism for what I think of selfish billionaires. Whatever… It gave me a stellar idea… What if I had billions of dollars like Elon and his buddy Jeff. How about the Walton clan? What would I do with $10,000,000,000 or even $20,000,000,000.

First thing I would do is pay my taxes with a smile on my face. I can afford to pay them. It will benefit everyone locally, I hope. I know most of it will be used to blow up some poor country in the name of national defense… I digress. Yes, I would pay my taxes. This reminds me of my Social Studies teacher Mr. McDonald. He was an excellent teacher. I remember we were doing a city planning project and we had to determine so many variables for our town. He asked a room full of mostly Republican raised children if we wanted to pay more in taxes or less in taxes. All of us said less. He blurted, “I want to pay more in taxes!” We looked at him astonished! Is he drunk? “Why?” we asked. He stated, “I would rather pay more in taxes, because I am making more money. Wealth requires one to be more responsible for the people around you.” This blew my 12 year old mind. I’ve thought about this statement for decades. As a tribute to Mr. McDonald’s progressive thinking I’m going to pay my taxes like a good billionaire and help out my country. I can afford it. “I’ll Be Fine.” just like that REM song.

Second thing I will do is meet with a money/estate manager in my home community. I’m not quitting my job yet, I have a contract to fulfill for my community. I’m going to need to safely diversify my assets to make money off of this money. There are goals to set and trusts to create and investments to be had for the future. I will need a company to handle my investments and brief me on trends, goals, and market projections. I may just buy the company first and save myself the hassle of paying fees. Employ a whole section of town… when I dream, I dream big… I want to use this wealth as wisely as possible. I want to create as much capital off these billions in order to give it away in perpetuity. It’s not like I can take it with me when I die. Let’s do some good.

It will take months if not years to set everything up for the second thing. If I put $10B in my savings account at the local credit union I will be making 3% per year or $3,000,000.00 That’s obscene, I might as well buy the bank… Ok… calm this dream down Mark.. Yes, I would pay off all my debts, my children’s debts, and some friends too… so that is only one or two million tops. That still leaves $1 or 2M off that savings account not counting the principle $10B… I’m no financial wizard but this whole thing is a revolving door of extreme wealth… …and spending… I wonder if I could help Anojitos Carmen’s in Columbus Junction, IA with a new dishwasher or building? I miss their chorizo burrito. I love them so…

Anyway, I retire from teaching. My wife retires too. We give a large chunk of money to our employer for future children. Scholarship funds (full ride-college/trade school,) Alternative trades program at the high school level (Paid for by a trust.) We buy a small 100 acre farm in the middle of nowhere driftless area Iowa, Illinois, or Wisconsin. If we can’t find something there, then someplace within Virginia that is 90 minutes from D.C., The District, our nation’s capitol. We remodel an existing property or build new with large garage and workshop/cannery. We use the farm as an animal sanctuary/garden/orchard etc… We live out our days in peace and quiet, still picking up animal waste, on roughly a million or so a year… probably less… or maybe more… when it’s billions… …what are millions? Yes, a few hours everyday will have to be management of the money beast. Hmm… wealth requires a greater responsibility to one’s community don’t you think?

Yes, we will take care of our children and grandchildren… probably all of our former students too. $10B is an obscene amount of money. If we invest in businesses and industries of the future we could multiply this wealth tenfold in a decade, and just give it away. That’s what I don’t understand about the Jeff’s and Elon’s of the world. They hold onto the wealth invest it into their own companies and their giving is underwhelming. Why do they need a 250,000 square foot mansion with a staff of 40 to serve their every whim? My wife and I just want a simple life free of the crazy and just do something we love doing. We want to be with our animals, grow things, make things, and love life’s grandest pleasure. Be free to choose what we want to do with our day.

We could invest in a political action committee… but why? I would rather write speeches for politicians than give them whatever they want. Besides that’s the corruption of dark money in politics. I don’t want to be a corporate sponsor of neoliberalism.

We could invest in little house communities for the homeless. Help the down and out have shelter, warmth, and a chance to be safe. The only expectation is work for the community by doing yard work, repairs, helping one another maintain the village. Get some health care, to feel human. Fund it with a trust.

We could invest in Habitat for Humanity. Continue building and renovating homes for less fortunate families. Fund it in a trust.

Buy a pharmaceutical company. Gut the market by selling the medication at a super low markup The end goal is to create a non-profit or low-profit pharmaceutical supply company. Eliminate the corporate CEO and the board. House the business offices near the point of manufacture or use online management. Have a committee from all aspects of the company steer operations decisions… …run it as an employee owned franchise essentially… It’s just a dream… a work of fiction… …or is that a revolution in the making?

I may fund a little municipal band in Dixon, IL with a trust in perpetuity. To be managed by a band commission. That little band helped me grow as a musician, educator, human, and leader. I feel that would be easy to do. I cherish that group, and the memories will last a lifetime.

Things I wouldn’t do or allow to be done. I’m not going to finance or build anything with my name on it. No, I do not want my name to go down with the Rockefeller’s, Carnegie’s, etc. I’m not going to meet with anyone regarding a handout or an investment. I won’t invest in the military industrial complex, space, big box retailers, or directly into some new fad. I would prefer investments in humane enterprises to benefit mankind. Technology, Real Estate, medicine, medical, research patents, the arts, etc…

In terms of personal luxuries, I dream of a motor coach where we can’t take our dogs everywhere (and pick up their s*** waste.) I want to travel and experience the beauty of the Western Hemisphere. I would love to be a season ticket holder for the Washington Nationals. I know my wife has a few wants of her own. I imagine meeting her favorite singer Dolly Parton and having dinner with her would be a big desire. Maybe they could partner up on something. Even better a Dave Matthews and Dolly Parton triple date with their spouses to discuss humanist causes that we are all passionate about… …I’m getting crazy… These personal luxuries are not absolutely necessary for us either. They would just be nice bonuses. Heart of hearts we would rather be in each other’s company making our home our personal paradise and doing what we could to help others.

If I had billions of dollars I would rather give it away than horde it. My greatest desire is to make things easier for the people in my community or communities that I care about. It all starts with paying one’s taxes. Tax the rich! Elon and Jeff and their billionaire buddies can afford it. Stop believing their B.S. cause it is a smelly as the dog waste I cleaned up today. It’s obscene to have that much wealth, while others struggle through the sociological effects of poverty. It’s selfish to think that you (the billionaire) have the answer to everything, while kids near you suffer from food anxiety… What’s that quote from Illinois Wesleyan University President Minor Myers? Oh yeah, “Go into the world and do well. But more importantly, go into the world to do good.”

Divitias tuas sumere non potes cum morieris
"You can't take your wealth when you die"

so it goes...